5K PR

I am going to try to keep this post optimistic, but also hope that you can all understand where I'm coming from.

So, I set out to do a 5K today and PR.
I have only done 1 other 5K and it was in May when I was just training by myself. I ran it in 21:18 and was very surprised. I was going for 22:00. It was a flat course with one teensy tiny little hill around mile 2.5. I was SUPER excited when I ran that!

So, today I set out to PR but as much as I could. I THOUGHT the course I was running was flat....should have looked into that more. NOt that it's bad if it isn't but I would have been more mentally prepared.

In hindsight, I made some mistakes. I didn't plan my warm up right. I ended my 2 mile warm up and sprints about 3 min before the race started. oops.
Then I handed my garmin to my friend who was pacing me, thinking that it would keep me from being distracted but AGAIN in hindsight I felt a bit lost not knowing what mile we were at etc(no mile markers).
The race started and I was in the lead group but we immediately started up hill ....which I thought I did good on but probably not good enough. the only girls who passed me was a few of the highschool girls (the race was at the highschool)...they looked like they were on cheer squad together! lol

the whole course was up and down LOTS of hills and no signs, in and out of the woods etc...sort of confusing..just not what I was expecting.
I finished in 20:46, so I SHOULD be thrilled but I felt like I could have ran more like 20:15 or better.....
It bothers me that I've been working my butt off for 10 wks and I expected to be able to run faster than that! it sort of feels like a slap in the face...what about all the HILLS I ran? ugh. frustrating.
The wiser side of me tells me "Nicole, if you're going to try to be a competetive runner, you're going to have to TOUGHEN up, suck it up and know that not every race is going to be your best".

My husband was sweet enough when I came home and cried in his arms to remind me that I was comparing a flat 5K time to a hilly 5K time and it's true. He says the best comparison is to run the SAME 5K course and THEN compare.
again, point taken. I get it.
but still...I felt sad.
I know this is all a learning journey...and I'm dealing with it. I am just so competitive with myself, I have high expectations with EVERYTHING in my life and I probably need to just chill out but still.
Everytime I've tried to sleep today I just sit there going over my race in my head...wondering what I could have done differerently, and it's just eating me up.
I want to get my legs STRONGER! I want to get to the gym but My family can't really let me go any more than I already am.
Time to stop talkin' and bust out my PLYOMETRICS dvd

So...that is my update.
I like Liana's quote she just posted...I need to just HANG IN THERE and not quit. EVENTUALLY I will hit my goals. I believe it. .